Sunday, August 29, 2010

Not to be Published...Oh what the heck...



My blog reminds me of my life in prison. When I was 17 years old I fell madly in love with the first guy that ever noticed me. We immediately got married, and he packed me up and took me 2000 miles away from my family. I was stuck in a little tiny house on the back of the landlady’s property. It soon became a prison cell to me.
My man in the shining armor went off to his job before daybreak and usually didn’t return until 12:20 AM. His job ended at 5 PM, but he nearly always made a stop over at the Pastime Tavern to play poker until the tavern closed at 12 AM. During these hours I looked out the window, cleaned up the house, opened a can of soup for lunch, wrote my family a letter, went to the mail box., took a nap, listened to the radio, walked up to the landlady’s house and visited with her. She was an old lady and knew how to knit. She said she would teach me how. She was not patience with me so the knitting lessons soon ended at my request. I’ll just have to find something else to pass the time of day.
I didn’t have a clue when my sentence would be over or if I would ever be able to get a pardon. I didn’t have 15 cents to my name. Not one single friend to talk to and no mode of transportation or communication with my family. I had made a friend, but she and her master moved back to Arizona. To pass the time, I would write letters to my family. I very seldom received a letter from them. When I did receive one, I would read it over and over until it was threadbare. I thought if I made my letters more interesting or funny it would induce an answer. So I wrote and wrote and wrote. At least we had money for postage. We didn’t have a phone. All the letter writing didn’t encourage anybody to write back or when I finally received a letter, no one ever answered any of the million questions I had been asking about everybody.


One time when we went back for a visit, I found that they had a fire on the property that they fought like crazy to keep it from getting to their house. That event didn’t even provoke a letter. They had never mentioned anything about the fire. My family included my mother, dad, four brothers and one sister. One brother had left home for a hitch in the military. My sister was only three years old when I left home so she was too small to write and so were the little brothers.


I built up such a momentum writing those letters that I still find myself with a pen in my hand constantly writing in a journal or just writing about stuff that irritates me, and then I shred it so nobody can ever read it. You should read one of those tirades.


I told my oldest son the other day that I sometimes think his Dad and I should not have been married. He looked at me like I had just cut off his lifeline or something. I felt really bad so I said, "Well, I mean we didn’t have to get married that very minute". We could have waited a week or two or a month or so.
Then I discovered blogging and I have written about everything under the sun. Writing in this blog is just like writing into thin air. Or writing to my family.



21 comments:

Jimh. said...

Not true! I am not air! I enjoy your tirades! It gives me something to look forward to!

As for marriage at a young age, I am against it, unless you know for sure that it is right for you. I am fortunate, i seem to have found my soul mate. I would rather spend time with her than ANYONE else.

The strange thing is, no one else seems to have found their mate,so we seem to be a bit out of the ordinary. Anyway, I am happy.

Sorry you weren't. You sound like I felt in my first few months of college. I used to walk to the mail box to see what had come. Bills made me happy, but the few letters from my family made me ecstatic.

FaerieMama said...

lorrene, You write so beautifully and from the heart. This post has brought me to tears. Thinking of that young, innocent you trapped in that 'prison' with no one to turn to completely breaks me heart.

You are definitely NOT writinmg into thin air anymore! I look forward to your posts everytime I see them in my
blog list/reader thingy ( forget what it is called!) In fact, I was thinking on several ocassions how I wish you had a book of short stories bout your life published.
Keep writing...you are affecting more people than you know. And our warmth and humanness makes US feel left alone in this world too. I'm honored to be able to read your words each week.

So, consider this little comment a letter back from your family. Your "online" family, who waits with baited breath for your next letter...

love:)

FaerieMama said...

That comment about should read " YOUR warmth and humanness" not "our"!!!

Anonymous said...

Sorry I didn't write you back then, but I was the youngest of the bunch.I know when I was in High School I could count on my two hands 7 time you had got to come home, but I felt like we were so close I wished you lived here,and still do so we could do things together.I love looking for your comments all the time it makes me feel closer to you
I love you Sis

maryb said...

I love your writing and look forward to reading more. The loneliness of those days is almost palpable. You are a wonderful writer.

Recovering Noah said...

Just discovered your blog and I'm hooked! I'm not good at leaving comments, but I can assure you that you now have a faithful reader in East Texas. =)

Leslie

Jaimie said...

I was linked to your blog and I will add your blog to my google reader. I look forward to reading!

Anonymous said...

Please do not think that no one reads your blog. I've been reading you since our local tv station did a story on you. I look forward to each and every entry. I just don't comment. But I will start commenting, I would be so sad if you quit writing.

Sue

Rosanne said...

Not into thin air .. you blog is something I look forward to... listed in my favorites and checked at least once a week for updates. I've commented a couple of times but must say EVERYTHING you post is read and appreciated .. keep em coming :o)

BTW, I agree with a book of short stories about your life would be a real treat.

Aparana Pitale said...

Hiee Lorrene.. i reached your blog through Keri..
You write nice, and i got addicted.. im reading your posts from yesterday, and read a lot of them.. Cute pictures of Leah, kisses for her...
your words are not in air for sure.. You are quite elder to me yet you have got a new follower. :)

Lorrene said...

Oh my Gosh, I had no idea I was that popular. I thank each and everyone !!!

Anonymous said...

Hello, Lorrene, from another stranger out here. I live in Memphis, Tennessee, and I know Keri online because we both adopted little girls from Russia. The world is a huge place but in some ways it is a very small world indeed, with people connected all kinds of ways that you wouldn't really expect.

I'm glad you're blogging. I'm glad you're writing. I really do feel for the young you, stuck there in such an isolated place with your missives going out unanswered, and no telephone. It sounds like it was such a lonely time, and I'm so sorry that it doesn't sound like you even had a good library handy. Your husband really didn't even know what he was missing, did he?

I wish you much love and happiness and connection and friendship, and I hope that you'll keep blogging. For every person who actually posts a comment to you, it's safe to assume there are another 20 who read it but didn't post. Sort of like I used to hear about mice (tee-hee) - if you see one, there are bound to be 20 more around you didn't happen to see.

Best wishes.
Rosemary Clark

Beth T. said...

Uh oh. You're in trouble now! :-) FaireMamma just linked us to you, so you're whole "into think air" just got a whole lot bigger. My favorite blogs are merely thoughts and memories of normal people, whose lives all tell a story. I'm looking forward to reading your old posts, but in the mean time, I'm ready for new ones. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

babbler said...

Lorrene,
All of us slugs at slugs rest love you dearly and invite you over for tea anytime you want. If you ever want to visit the central coast of Oregon, give me a holler on the blog and I will make sure you have a nice soft pillow when you get here!
Love, Mrs. Slug

Anonymous said...

love your blog:) thanks for sharing this with us

Anonymous said...

You have wrote a story book on your life. I just wish you had more copys,so your neices and nephews could have a copy of how it was when you were a kid.I would send you the money to get more copys.
LOVE SIS

Lorrene said...

I'll discuss it with Karen, she is the one that had the other ones made.So she might have a clue how much they cost.

Alexandra said...

I also reached your blog through Keri and I can't wait to continue to read! Consider this another form of letter writing for which you WILL get a reply! xo

Marinda Martin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
javier said...

whoops- i deleted my comment by mistake.

The writing to thin air phenomenon is common. It happened to my blog, too. Eventually I got tired of writing writing writing with no feedback and switched to reading blogs. Less work and more fun! Most people do read without commenting- including me. I guess that's like taking without giving, though. I never thought of reading blogs without commenting as a form of rudeness and I really should have known better!

Lorrene said...

Thank you Javier,
I know people appreciate things without commenting, but now and then, we like that little pat on the back.