Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Internet Whisperer

The old bundle deal. I am so tired of the game. You can get their internet hookup which is so smashing fast, it’s even faster than the speed of light and the free long distance phone and 900 TV stations all for one low price for a solid year. No fuss no muss, just sign up today because this offer will not last. Go ahead, sucker, and sign up. I don’t think you can get one without the other. If you do it will cost more than your arm and leg so you sign up. You get the bill and it varies each month. Sometimes they just nudge it up a few dollars with no exclamation what so ever. They have a telephone system that is connected to each part of the universe. The purpose for that is so their operators can transfer you to another country because they don’t know the answer to your simple question. I know I have been all over the continent and a few times I was even transferred to some galaxy in the milkyway. I finally decided to just accept it and life was moving along at the usual turtle pace. When one day I received this E-bill from these speed demons. My year was up so they jumped the price up 40 dollars. This calls for action and I don’t mean phone action. This calls for up close and personal action. So I loaded myself up in the car and paid a friendly visit to this place. She told me that they have another ‘Special’ going on and she can get me into that. She quoted a price that was ten dollars less per month than I am paying now. I said, "Good deal Lucille, sign me up!" I was standing there humming a happy tune while she was clicking away on her keyboard. She lookrd up at me and said, "You do realize this is before taxes, don’t you?"
Well, that took care of the happy tune because this is the most, taxed to the max, state in the union. We even pay tax on tax. If they need money for something they jump the tax up some more. "How much will that be?" I asked. She did some more clicking on her keyboard and came back with a figure that is ten dollars more than I am now paying. It’s a game, I tell you. A GAME. First they make you think they are raising your price 40 dollars and then after all the wheeling and dealing they make you think you are getting an even less price than you were paying before. Now that they have you in this calm submissive state they spring the truth on you. It’s just like Cesar Millan training a dog. I’m going to start calling them ‘The Internet Whisperer".