Monday, March 31, 2014

Reasons for Dropping out of Church


One couple attended morning church very faithfully. She was wheel chair bound, and her husband would push the chair. One morning as they were going down the sloped aisle to their pew, the husband became distracted, and took his hands off the chair momentarily; it took off down the aisle like a speed boat. He realized the mistake and did the 20 yard dash in 3 seconds flat, and saved his wife from crashing into the altar.

They never again returned to church. I watched for his obituary after that, but I guess she didn’t kill him.

One time a woman was strolling down the aisle with the tail of her dress caught up in her underwear. Finally a lady leaped from her seat and did the 10 foot distance in one enormous giant flying step, and pulled her dress down for her. The lady with the dress problem never came to church after that.

One time a Good Samaritan volunteered weeks of her time organizing the church library.

Taking each book down, and making sure all books were in the correct order. The next week it was announced that the church would no longer have a library as that area would be included in the children’s nursery. The lady never again set foot in the church.

One time sitting in the pew in front of me was a lady and her teenage son. After the sermon droned on for quite some time the boy leaned over to his mother and in a whisper much louder than he realized asked, “When is that airbag going to finish?” I’m not sure if the teen was ever able to return to church or not.

One time I fell asleep during the sermon, and woke up suddenly when I heard music. Everyone was standing; I jumped to my feet, grabbed my bible, opened it and began singing. I don’t think anyone noticed it was the bible, and not the songbook.  I didn't either at first.

I have been debating whether to name this “Reasons for dropping out of church”

or “Things I miss about church”.