Saturday, June 27, 2009

Life is Too Complicated

A salesman came to my door today. He thinks I need an alarm system. The product and installation is totally free. He went through a 20 minute spiel about how wonderful the product is and why I would benefit from it. It also comes with the alarm that you wear around your neck, in case you fall and can’t get up. I told him that I keep my cell phone in my pocket and it would be just as easy to dial 911. He asked, "Don’t you think your safety is worth it? " I said, "I don’t know, how much does the stupid thing cost a month?"
He said, "It’s less than a dollar a day." I turned down his wonderful offer, but I enjoyed chatting with the nice young man.

All I need is one more thing around here to program. You have to program the coffeepot so the coffee is ready when you get up. I gave up on that one because I don’t get up the same time every day and the manufacturer has the coffeepot programmed to automatically go off in two hours. Why do they get to decide when to turn my coffeepot off? I wish they had kept their sticky little fingers off of it. I know how to turn the coffeepot off all by myself.

While we’re in the kitchen let me tell you about my toaster. I bought the cheapest one I could find because I don’t care about cooking bagels and those light, dark and medium settings and all that other technical stuff some of them come with. That is the slowest toaster this side of the Rockies. It takes three minutes to toast a slice of toast and there is no pop up button so you can rush it along. You just have to stand there and twiddle your thumbs until it decides it is good and ready.
I paid $6.99 at Wal-Mart for that toaster. I had to learn to put the toast down before I start anything else. Why pay $25.00 for a toaster when you can buy one at Wal-Mart for $6.99. I like that toaster.

All the clocks have to be programmed twice a year. The DVR on the TV has to be programmed. You have to program all those numbers into your telephone. You just about need some kind of engineering degree to live in your house. Do you ever get pills that you need a crowbar and a jackhammer to get the lid off of the bottle? The last time I went to the doctor and he was writing a prescription for something I told him to be sure and tell the pharmacy that I need easy to open lids because I don’t want to hire a mechanic to open my pill bottles. He looked at me funny, but I guess he really did it because I got a really easy to open bottle.