I found this Dieter’s Psalm, and I revamped it a little to fit my assessment of the situation.
Strict is my diet. I must not want.
It maketh me to lie down at night hungry.
It leadeth me past the candy aisle.
It trieth my willpower.
It leadeth me in the path of starvation
for my fattened hippy state.
Yea, though I walk through the aisles
of the pastry department, I will
buy no sweetrolls for they will
The cakes and the pies, they tempt me.
Carb’s begat carb’s, ye must do without.
Tis the unpardonable sin, thou shalt not let in.
Before me is a table set with green beans
and lettuce, and spinach for dessert.
Filleth thy stomach with liquids,
The day's quota runneth oer.
surely calorie and weight charts will
follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the fear of scales forever.